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What was simply an idea for over two months has become a reality. I went ahead and cut my hair! I cut my beautiful hair off! It had been with me all my life, never having cut my hair, ever. What prompted it?
Well, initially it was an idea. A crazy idea, because I started to get FOMO from all the oil products my friend was using. She had every natural hair product on the market and she looked so chic in hair cute natural curls. Also, her skin glowed from the products she was investing in both her skin and hair. I would look on with great admiration, because the natural hair journey looked so satisfying, in the sense of becoming comfortable in your own skin.
As someone who spent a lot of money on all things make-up, nails, waist-trainers, Brazilian weaves and all things beauty enhancers, I had to take some time out to introspect. All things I regarded self-care physically all were meant to hide the natural elements of me. I would feel less beautiful in the moments where I had to leave home without make-up. If my nails were not done acrylic that month, I would feel unkempt. If my hair was not rocking an amazing Brazilian weave, I would feel like I am not taking care of myself. These are all feelings that were as a result of constantly trying to keep up an image. That in all honesty was so far from my natural self, I was losing every part of my natural physical self. Although I understand the notion that these beauty enhancers are simply that, enhancers, I was shocked to realize that without them, I did not feel beautiful. In that I felt like, on the days where I had my hair out of a weave and my nails were not done, I did not like what reflected back at me in the mirror. I spent so much time nipping and tucking, weaving and hiding, that I was asked by my sister, “do you not love what you see in the mirror without covering everything up?”
This is a question I could have laughed off, had it not hit so close to home. She was right in that I was not comfortable in my skin. I was excellent at depicting comfort and confidence, however if it is only skin deep, who am I really serving in the long run? Myself or the impression I create for the world to consume?
So, the drastic change happened, I cut my hair. I mustered up the courage to get up out my comfort and throw myself into this journey I so badly wanted. I quit living in fear of the unknown and embraced every part of myself. This moment is so defining for me, because the depth is in the fact that I did what I wanted to do without consulting anyone. I did something for me, something to liberate me, something to set me free of the imaginary shackles that kept me tied to an unrealistic expectation of myself. I am not perfect, not in body and not in mind. I have areas that bulge and my arms are flabby, but so what? I have blemishes and my hair does not curl like the girl with the amazing hair texture on Instagram, but so what? These things make me Mavis. The flaw, the perfections, they define every integral part of who I am.
If I want to go out rocking a 28” inch Brazilian weave, with a 180 degree lace front, hell… Yes! Slay! If I want to go out rocking those acrylic nails, looking like I just stepped out of a high class parlor… hell… Also yes! However, if I decide to rock my nappy hair, and go two weeks without a hint of make-up on my skin, also all the yeses! Because for as long as my self-love is engraved into me, in both natural and enhanced me, then I am good.
Getting to this place where I can embrace myself was hard! I still struggle to go without a waste trainer, because I start to “feel fat”. Yet, going without it makes me feel so good! It makes me feel like I control my destiny and what they, the outside world takes that as, is all on them!
So, cheers to embracing yourself in all forms! Here is to loving yourself so hard, that the flaws are insignificant next to the beautiful you. You are beautiful in every sense of the word.
Challenge yourself to something that makes you accept yourself. You do not have to go cutting your hair, but how about something else?
Let me know what your struggles are and how you will overcome them. Email me (eliasmavis@gmail.com)
From one warrior to another
With a tad bit of crazy
Love Mavis
Twitter: @maviselias_
Instagram: @maviselias